greatest time of year?-x

christmas
christmas
christmas

what a holiday.

a time where people exchange gifts and cards.
and spends it with family and have a joly good time.

kids dream of sugarplums (honestly not even sure what they are)
and santa claus.
and amazing presents.
and reindeers and all that shits.

and those who aren't any of both, dreams of a christmas miracle.

and well for the struges, like myself, who hate christmas will wait patiently for the day to end.

yeah, i don't particularly like christmas.
i think its a stupid holiday.
well for my sake anyways.
its suppose to be the greatest time of year.
when honestly, you think its gonna be AMAZING.
when it just turns out boring.

believe me, i have my very many reasons to dislike christmas.

yet i honestly can't wait to party it up on new years eve and say BYEBYE to 2010 and eelllooo to 2011, which has felt like it was just yesterday when we were saying our farewells to 2009.

but for everyone else, and my two very awesone followers, i wish you all an amazing christmas, hopefully you get everything you guys wanted and more, and i hope that twenty eleven will treat you well.

will blog in the new year.
or maybe a bit sooner ;)
if i got the time.

 ♡

i just want..? -x

right at this moment,
IDON'TGIVEASHIT.

i just want this week to end.
i just want to have time off
i just want to be away from everyone.
and get drunk.
and get high.
and party.
and makeout.
and be loved.
and not care for all the fucking stupid shit in my life.

i just want everything to go away.
i just want to dance and laugh.
and JUST be happy.
without having to have a reason why.
i just want to have happy memories.
and regret nothing.
i just want to love somebody and have that person love me back.
and just never let me go.
i just want to fly across the world to different places.
meet different people.
make new friends.
i just want all this.

but you know what, instead i choose not to care.
and live it out.
end of story.
♥

freaking out? -x

so here i am, six months later.
six months of not seeing you.
six months of thinking i was COMPLETLY over it.

well guess what.
im not.

of course you just had to come and see me tonight.
had to be inches away.
even a touch here and there
accidently.
or not?

i don't know.
im so confused.

we were dancing, it just felt.. good.

we broke up for a reason.
we were done.
OVER
never to be spoken of again.
yet, what is with this?

everything is different.
your different.

you were so outgoing, and.. and.. beautiful.
i hate it right now.
i hate everything.
even your bestfriend knew something was up.

why are you so different now.
why were you looking at me like that.
why were you making me feel like this?
i hate it i hate it i hate it.

fucking six months later.
fuck.
♥

confused? -x

change
change
change

thats all what i've been seeing lately.
nothing but that.
everything.
is.
different.
now..




i'm loosing everyone who was there for me.
those who once cared.

but then.
here i am, gaining old friends back into my life, and making new ones..

so is this all so bad in the end?
you win some you lose some, kind of thing?

i dunno.
it makes me feel empty yet alive at the same time.

its so confusing..

secrets? -x

secrets.
what are they really?

a bunch of messed up memories not wanting to recreate?
a bunch of messed up words that bring hatred and guilt?
a bunch of messed up people and they're horrible choices?
all of the above?
none of them at all?

who knows.
but whatever i do know is secrets are suppose to be kept.
locked up in your mind.
the day that you decide to share that secret.
is the day that it will transform into something otherwise.
just a bunch of useless words.
and a way into your life.
a way to ruin you.

all secrets are suppose to be kept.
but all secrets will be eventually told.
since were all curious human beings.

we all have secrets.
all that we've told.
and others we haven't.
yet.

we all know other peoples secrets.
all that we've told.
and others we haven't.
yet.

i just wish we didn't all have to be hypocrites.

♥

explain? -x

so i've been wondering ...

how life works.
cause honestly lately, i don't get it.
you work so hard for something for so long
and within seconds its gone.
vanished.
you've been nice. extra nice. the nicest ever..
and you'd think positive karma would come around.
instead.
the worst comes.

you're born with innocence
and care.
yet your gifted with a horrible disease.
before your life can even start.
before you can even live your life.

your whole life has been about achieving.
yet the underacheivers go farther than yourself.
unfair.
truely unfair.

if there is a god.
then why is he doing this to us.
make us stronger?
show us a lesson?
change our perspective?

i wouldn't know but all i can say is life is unfair.
truely unfair.
sometimes we deserve what we get.
but mostly, we don't.

god, please, freaking explain?
♥